The Gatekeeper

I sat, arms defiantly crossed over my body as my leg, also crossed, bounced slightly, up and down, up and down. Worship music was playing and the singer was encouraging us to just be held. I thought, rebelliously, I don’t want to be held! I just want this situation to go away and everything to be normal again.

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That Woman

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When I was in Jr. College, MANY years ago, I had taken a basic business class. I was also working at a bank. During the first part of this class the professor was teaching us everything we didn’t know about a check. The kind we use to write to pay for things; in some instances I still do, before our ATM cards became our go to form of payment.

The professor began asking “Do you know where the ABA number is?” “What does the number after the slash of the ABA number stand for?” “Why is it important to write out the amount and draw a line or xxx’s after the amount to the end of the line?” ¬†As you can guess I had all the right answers and at the time I enjoyed every minute of it because I was being heard. Not only that, I was THAT WOMAN being heard!

A few years ago as I was preparing to give a message at church God gave me an epiphany about being heard and why I felt for so many years that I was unheard. He reminded me that when I was five years old my little Italian paternal grandmother called me, in English, a language she swore she didn’t understand and could not speak, a talking machine! How I had bought into that lie of Satan at an early age and believed it well into my adulthood. The truth is God called me to a speaking and teaching ministry. He called me to be heard!

This morning as I was working on a study from the book of Nehemiah, I came to the place where Nehemiah had to respond to the question of the King of Persia about why he was so sad. The author asks, “Of what was Nehemiah afraid?” Then asks participants to list the first few fears that come to mind about living a gospel inspired life.

Before I had time to think words flew from pen to page and I had used the entire side margin with my response.

Almost immediately after becoming a born again Christian God gave me a new passion for prayer and a burden for the spiritual health and growth of the Body. For many years I have lived from a spiritual perspective with Holy Spirit giving me His view to encourage and give hope to others. To come alongside others and inspire them to fall in love with Jesus and to know how important it is to stay connected to Him, especially through reading and studying his word. But, sometimes, many times, I feel like ‘that woman’

So, what is my fear of living a gospel inspired life? Being THAT WOMAN! Ha! Guess what God is doing in his perfect timing and sovereignty? RESTORING me!

That Woman is who God called me to be and I am loved eternally by my King!


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